I coach leaders on how to have difficult conversations at work. A part of leading is getting comfortable with hard conversations whether it's being open to new ideas you are skeptical of, conversations around work performance that aren’t getting desired results, or navigating organizational changes necessary to survive.
“While no single conversation is guaranteed to change the trajectory of career, a business, a marriage or a life, any single conversation can.
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Difficult conversations appear for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes at work we don’t realize how to take them on, but being a strong leader means recognizing and proactively addressing issues as they come up.
At home in our personal lives, I've noticed that we've gotten really effective at avoiding difficult conversations, disagreements, or most anything that feels uncomfortable. In a world of social media and connecting online, we surround ourselves with like-minded friends, and when they disagree with us too much we unfriend, block, hide or "snooze" people we don't want to hear from. Our news outlets have become polarized, so again, we build our news feed to hear only what we "want" to hear. It is easy to create an insulated life without knowing it.
This year, through no choice of our own, the pandemic and Covid-19 led us to a national and global conversation. This discussion itself has become messy and polarizing with many different points of view which has led to people making different choices and decisions about their personal health. But regardless of our individual choices, there was a dominant feeling that we are all in this together and we are all living in a shared world. An interesting way this manifested in the workplace was how we “checked in” with each other. We asked questions; we asked what do you need; we gave people time and flexibility. We asked them to be safe. Essentially, we didn’t make assumptions about how someone was or was not affected. We just cared.
Now we are in the middle of another national and global conversation around racism and social justice. So many of us are trying to navigate these conversations. At times it feels like everyone’s jumped in with an opinion or perspective to share. And yet, I know there is a next level of conversation both at work and at home. We still care, but are we checking in with each other enough? Are we moving away from the level of caring seen in our response to Covid-19? Are we listening to each other with empathy and openness?
We are in a time that calls for action. For it has never been good enough to not be a racist. One must take a stand against racism. There has become a tendency to label racism as a Democrat vs. Republican, liberal vs conservative or Christian vs non-Christian problem. This only divides us. This is a racist vs anti-racist problem that crosses all of our different perspectives, choices and life paths.
As leaders, we can lead from any and all positions. No matter where you are and your circle of influence at work or at home, you have the opportunity to lead by example. You can lean into the uncomfortable conversations that come with uncovering hard truths. We can examine existing operational procedures and workplace norms. As difficult as these efforts may be, my hope is everyone has the courage enough to try. You may not always get it exactly “right”, but the effort will be well worth it.
Over 50 years ago, we had a wave of law, policy and education changes. Now, to break through, we need another set of enforceable policy changes to help us create a better future for all Americans. It will take learning from the experience of our seasoned leaders, hearing from new voices and recognizing new leaders. But it starts with us. It starts with being open to uncomfortable conversations, using new language, and implementing new policy. The time is now.
“To be anti-racist is to admit when we’re being racist. And then not only that admission, but then we challenge those racist ideas. We adopt antiracist ideas that say the problem is power and policy when there is inequity, not people. And then we spend our time, we spend our funds, we spend our energy challenging racist policy and power.”
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